Victory is Mine, Man

Tia Lilliana here.

It's only taken me two years, but I finally learned how to use the doggy door (sort of...and mi madre y padre have to be right there cheering me on).

I knew momma would not mind if I took her plastic card and got myself a cake to celebrate the occasion.

I got vanilla cake with light frosting because Paris' butt is getting kinda big. Anyway, I just wanted to celebrate my life a little. And what a perfect day to do it. Life's not been easy for me, man.

I was born in the beautiful city/state of Chihuahua many, many years ago. Times were hard growing up and me & my brother Kenny sold mi madre's postres on the side of the highway to help our parents make ends meet. We did such a good business and sold so many beet & rutabaga kolaches that there was enough money to send me to med school. It was hard I tell you. But I graduated in only 27 years. I was voted "mostly likely to grow excessive warts" by my classmates - boy they nailed that one!

Anyhoo after med school I met my 6th husband Hector and it was love at first growl. We got hitched the following May. We had many happy months together until I caught him with a cat and yes, I did spend a few years in prison because of what followed, but it taught me something. I can't remember what, but I'm sure it must've.

After I got out I went back to school to become a personal secretary. I landed a job as the executive admin assistant to the head of Chihuahua Motor Company (CMC). Well of course he fell hard for me and me for him. Remember the car that came out in the late 70's - El Bitcho -?

Well he named that after me! He was such a loving, kind man. He died 5 0r 6 years ago in a tragic accident (you probably remember seeing it on the news). He was driving his car when suddenly the engine fell out and he was hit by an oncoming 18 wheeler transporting Pepto-Bismol to the local WalMarts. We had such a hard time getting all the pink off of him.

I was so lonely I decided to adopt a family. I chose my present family because they are kind and loving people, with decent credit, and the best part is momma always leaves her purse where I can reach it. Life's pretty good now. I gotta go eat some cake

And wow them with my door opening snout.

HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY!